What's Up With Gwyned?

It's a question I'm sure many of you have asked yourself in the past couple months: what's up with Gwyned? I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but I kept coming up with excuses or other things to do. But I'm hoping that by finally being honest and open about my situation, I can begin to return to some kind of normal.

Back in June, I learned that my position was being terminated. The organization wasn't happy with my performance, and while many of my co-workers encouraged me that it wasn't really my fault, it still took a pretty big toll. I continued working in my position through the end of September, which at least meant I was collecting a paycheck and had time to search for other positions. But my emotional state was pretty low, and as a result, I stopped doing almost any writing or Magic.

I've made excuses about being busy, but the truth is that it's just been too hard. I've been diagnosed with depression, and I'm on medication for it, and it's helping. But emotionally, my situation is still so draining that it's hard for me to flex my creative muscles. It's easier just to distract myself with other things rather than try to create something. And even worse, I'm afraid that if I fail, if I don't create something good, if I don't succeed, it will just make these feelings worse.

But I'm going to try. That's why I'm writing this post. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to change overnight. But just avoiding the situation isn't going to make things better. So I'll have more content this week, and expect to see me on Magic Online playing in the league again as well.

So that's what's up with me.

40 Days Away From Magic, Part Three

As I announced on Twitter earlier this week, I will be taking  40 days away from Magic the Gathering. This means I will not play, write, or blog about Magic. This even includes staying away from my Twitter feed and the various websites that provide high quality articles and videos related to this great game. I will, however, continue to host Monday Pauper Deck Challenge.

This week, I will be exploring three reasons why I believe this is the right decision and the right time for me to take this time away from the hobby that I enjoy so much. I posted the first reason on Tuesday, as well as the second reason on Thursday. Today I want to talk about the third and final reason.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with depression. While my case was relatively minor, it appears likely I had been struggling with it for years without any recognition or treatment. I started taking anti-depressants, and the results have been dramatic. Yet I still struggle from time to time. So, in addition to my medication, I have also been exploring what triggers my episodes and how to mitigate those situations.

Unfortunately, playing Magic the Gathering can be a trigger. While I get great enjoyment out of providing a great tournament and resources for Standard Pauper, when my personal gaming is in a rut, it is easy for it to begin to affect me emotionally. And this, in turn, takes its toll on my life, my friends, and my family. I have tried pushing through these episodes while continuing to play, but as of yet this has not been a successful strategy.

I am hopeful that the next few weeks without Magic will help in this area. Already, I can recognize patterns in my gaming that have been unhealthy. At the same time, I already miss a lot of the things I enjoy about the game, and it hasn't even been a full week yet. I sincerely believe that this 40 day period away from Magic will lead to breakthrough. But even if it doesn't, I do know that it will allow me to enjoy Magic the Gathering for a long time to come.

Next week, I will be back to my less personal posts here on my blog. I've got books and games to review, some more writing resources to discuss, and a few other surprises in the queue. And it won't be long before the 40 days will be at an end. I promise I will have lots of great Standard Pauper content forthcoming.

Thanks for reading.